


do you believe in angels?

by r4m3nlvr



Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: Angel!Sejun, Angst, Drama, Fantasy, Fluff, Human!Josh, M/M, Minor Character Death, Oneshot, Romance, angel!pablo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:29:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29879085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r4m3nlvr/pseuds/r4m3nlvr
Summary: an angel falls in love with a human. the human considers the cost.
Relationships: John Paulo Nase | Sejun/Josh Cullen Santos
Comments: 8
Kudos: 23





	do you believe in angels?

**Author's Note:**

> okay, so i rushed this. swsws the power that pinunong pablo holds is scary! i had a lot i intended to write before this, but whelp... couldn't say 'no' to pinuno. here you go, then! a rare non-joken oneshot from me. hope you like it!
> 
> chapter contains: long narrations; non-stop writing; unbeta-ed + unproofed

# do you believe in angels?

_‘Do you believe in angels?’_ Josh’s mother had asked him once. He was twelve and riding at the back of their second-hand sedan. They were traveling back to their province to visit their relatives. It was summer.

Josh could remember the details as clearly as if the memory were a movie flashing before his eyes. He was in the backseat, squished in between their several bags of luggage. The twelve-year-old was complaining that it was too hot. “Can we turn on the air conditioner,” he asked, but he was denied. So, Josh settled for rolling down the windows of the old car to let some of the stuffiness out. They were passing through a long and winding uphill road. Public highways back then were horrible, and Josh’s younger self could feel every tiny pebble that passed under the car’s tires. He ignored them, of course, because at that moment, all he cared about was getting his head closer to the window and taking in some fresh air.

It all happened so quickly, so Josh does not know how it played in his head like a stop-motion film. His father was driving as carefully as he could. Back then, Josh was too young to even know speed limits, but he imagined his father would be driving well within them. It was the truck driver approaching them from the blind curve who did not. As soon as their sedan appeared behind the curve, the overtaking ten-wheeler collided with their car, sending it careening downhill faster than Josh’s twelve-year-old mind could comprehend. They were spinning out of control. Josh could not even scream, but he thought he saw his parents sway left in right in their seats, going along the car’s motions.

After what felt like a lifetime of dizzying turns, Josh opened his eyes to see his mother reaching back for him. He could not remember if he was numb or if the baggage piled on top of him was too much for his little body that he could no longer feel the pain. His mother leaned back on her seat, struggling to pull Josh out between… something heavy. Something that felt like two giant boulders crushing his ribs, puncturing his lungs, and making him spit out blood. Josh’s mother called out desperately to him—“ _Josh… Josh_ ,” she croaked between her own bloody coughs. The child wanted to think he answered, but he could not hear his own voice.

The next thing he knew was fear. Josh felt a crippling coldness grip him by the ankles before insidiously creeping up to his shin… his knees… his thighs. Josh wanted to think he was able to cry out for help, but he was not so sure. He could not even feel his lips move.

“ _Do you believe in angels_?” his mother asked right then. She looked just as scared as Josh felt and almost as dead as his father in the driver’s seat. Yet, she gave him a smile as if she was not currently coughing up what remained of her blood.

‘ _I don’t know_ ,’ Josh remembers replying. In his head, of course. Because he does not know where he put his tongue.

His mother smiled at him, reached out to his face. The tips of her fingers touched his cheeks, brushed it a little. She said, “ _Angels exist_. _One is guarding you right now. Always_.”

That was the last thing Josh remembered before he closed his heavy lids over his eyes. He does not know for how long he had closed them. All he knew was the next thing he sensed was a warmth slowly fighting the coldness cradling him in its embrace. It was a pleasant warmth, and after everything Josh had been through that day, he needed a little bit of comfort.

‘ _You are too young. It is unfortunate_ ,’ he understood someone say. _Understood_ , because he was sure the language he heard was not anything he recognized. Yet, from what strange archaic verses fell on his young ears, Josh somehow comprehended their meaning. ‘ _I am sorry I could not save them, little one. It is you who is under my guard._ ’

Josh remembered trying to open his eyes, fighting back the heaviness cast on them. His unfocused gaze lingered in the darkness at first before he finally met the prettiest pair of mismatched eyes he had ever seen in his short life.

White hair that sparkled like diamonds even at the lack of light, one pale blue eye and another dark-rimmed iris piercing through Josh’s soul. His twelve-year-old self opened his mouth to say anything to his savior, but he could not. The child could only feel two invisible but warm arms cradling him as they flitted through the darkness.

“Are you an angel?” Josh remembers asking. He was not sure whether to think of his savior as a ‘her’ or a ‘him’, so he settled for ‘ _them’_.

They gave Josh a small smile; it was as pretty as the rest of their cherub-like fact framed between their cascading white strands of hair. Josh could not see clearly, but he thought he heard the thundering flap of their wings. ‘ _Your guardian, yes_ ,’ they replied in a language Josh did not know but understood.

“Am I dead?” he asked.

‘ _You could have been_ ,’ they told him. ‘ _But I could not let it happen… my love_.’

“Are my parents dead?”

‘ _I am sorry_.’

“Will I be alone from now on?”

The angel smiled. Josh saw the pearliest of teeth between flushed pink lips. It was with those lips that they kissed the tip of Josh’s nose with.

‘ _I shall be with you. Always_.’

“ _Do you believe in angels_?”

Since then, Josh would ask people this question, and every time he did, he would think of a human, neither man nor woman, with lush platinum blonde hair and the most mysterious pair of heterochromatic eyes he had ever seen. People gave Josh varying answers to his questions: some believed, some denied, some wanted to define what counted as an ‘angel’. The more Josh asked them, the more he learned that his meeting with the non-human was either a hallucination in his near-death experience or a heavenly apparition sent to comfort him. Twenty years later, he had yet to be sure of the answer.

After the accident, Josh was taken in by relatives, and he had to learn to live just barely scraping by. They had never been rich in the first place, but where Josh ended up was a little less affluent than where he used to be. So, at the young age of twelve, he had to mature, learn life’s ropes from life itself, and survive with his limbs and his toes intact. It had never been easy, but Josh felt like there was always something— _someone_ —magically making things work out for him. He had never seen them again, but Josh liked to think that ‘ _someone_ ’ was that person with white hair at piercing blue-and-dark-gray eyes.

_Were they really just a figment of my imagination_ , Josh asked himself multiple times a day. He wanted to tell himself yes, just so he could move on with his life; but the more rebellious and stubborn part of him said ‘no,’ and told Josh to keep holding on, survive daily. Because one day for sure, they would meet again.

‘One day’ was apparently three weeks ago. Josh had gone back to his small, one-bedroom apartment late at night from his shift at the call center. He lugged his bag on his back, dragging his tired feet, while carrying a plastic bag of convenience store food in his hand. As he turned to corner to his unit, he saw a lean figure lounging in front of his door, unrecognizable, but beautiful even from afar.

“Hello, Josh,” they said. And as soon as they spoke, Josh wanted to scream high hell because the one standing in front of his unit was all too familiar. Their hair changed, what one was pure white became black with only the front of their fringe streaking platinum blonde. They no longer had the powerful wings Josh had always imagined them to have. But their eyes… those were the eyes Josh had never thought he would see again: mismatched pale blue and dark gray. Those eyes were the same as Josh remembered them to be.

The angel smiled tentatively. On their pale cheeks, Josh saw the loveliest shade of pink he had ever seen.

“W-wha…” Josh rubbed his eyes. Surely, he was not so tired from his 16-hour shift that he was seeing things? When he opened them again, they were still there. “ _You’re real_?!”

They nodded. “I am glad to be able to speak to you… _Finally_.”

Josh was, too. But he suddenly ran out of things to say. All he could do was look at the angelic figure robed in black standing in front of his door.

He said, “D-do you eat convenience store meals? It’s the only thing I have right now.”

They laughed an angelic laugh, and then Josh brought them inside his home.

“ _Argh_! _Fuck_!”

Josh pulled his hand from the chopping board and checked to see where he began to bleed. A small, diagonal incision decorated the side of his middle finger. Bright red blood began to ooze from his open flesh in thick drops, and he cringed at the mere sight of it. He inwardly cursed, then reminded himself not to reminisce while slicing hotdogs after his long shifts.

“Fucking stupid thing…!”

He was running the bleeding cut through water when another voice came out from the bedroom, asking, “Josh? Is everything alright?”

“Uh… I’m okay… _I think_.”

An angel appeared from the corner, mismatched eyes going wide with curiosity. They scanned the tiny kitchen, looking at Josh’s face first, then the hotdogs they loved on the sink, before finally seeing the water coloring red as Josh washed his cut under it.

“ _Goodness_!” they cried. They took one long and graceful stride forward to Josh. “What happened?”

They wanted to be called ‘Pablo’. It was not exactly their name; apparently, their real name was beyond any language Josh knew, and it was a name they were no longer allowed to use. Pablo was an angel. Specifically, a greater angel overseeing the lives of mortals in that realm of reality. They were tasked to watch over human souls under their jurisdiction and provide help as they deemed fit. It was Pablo’s job to look after those within their care, and that included twelve-year-old Josh who was then caught in a life-or-death situation.

The angel’s reappearance in Josh’s life was an impossible miracle he did not know could happen. After meeting again, Josh wanted nothing more than to get to know them better. After all, Pablo was the only one who had occupied much of Josh’s thoughts. Even before he was sure they existed, he was already fairly certain he was in love with them.

“I just… I was drifting off and cut myself. I’m fine,” Josh answered.

Pablo did not seem to hear him. They just grabbed Josh’s hand and trapped it in their lithe ones, then Pablo closed their eyes.

As then concentrated, Josh could not help but admire the length and curl of their eyelashes. They were impossibly inhuman, beautiful beyond a doubt. Josh imagined his lips kissing them, then their pinkish cheeks, and then those plump lips, and then… and then…

As Josh’s thoughts trailed off where angels did not reside, Pablo kept a loose grip on his hand and muttered a few arcane words before a warmth coursed through their palms. It buzzed on the surface of their skin, sending a small, pleasant current all over Josh’s finger. The blood on Josh’s skin began to fizzle and foam, and Josh only blinked once before the cut closed over as a wisp of smoke rose into the air.

Josh gaped.

“What?”

Pablo smiled at their linked hands then at him. “It is okay now.”

“W-wait, I thought… I thought you couldn’t use your powers anymore?”

“Only my high-level spells,” Pablo replied. “I can at least use these… for you.”

“But you said… that they weaken you.” Josh tucked the strands of white hair behind Pablo’s ears. It clumped together with the rest of their black locks, a reminder of what had been and what was no more.

“I am fine. This human body may be fragile, but it is far from weak.”

“Can’t you, like… do it more normally? You can’t use your powers when people are around, you know?”

Pablo looked up at him, their eyes assessing Josh. They had mentioned that they had a way of ‘gauging the spirit,’ and had a way of knowing people’s intent through insight.

The angel held Josh’s hand tighter in their grip before putting his middle finger inside the wet cavern of their mouth. Josh only had a brief second to enjoy the roughness of their tongue laving against his now-closed wound before he yanked his hand off, blushing.

“ _Pablo_!” he yelled.

“I… thought that was what you preferred,” they commented. “Was I wrong?”

Josh could only stammer, his body aching and throbbing all over as he shook his hand.

“N-not… like… _that_. _Geez_ , Pablo!”

“I am sorry… I… tried.”

The angel looked down. They still looked beautiful, but the slight curve to their mouth made Josh feel a little guilty.

“Hey,” Josh said, cupping their chin. “I know you were only doing what you thought was right, but… sometimes, you gotta be more careful, okay?”

“Sorry,” frowned Pablo.

“It’s okay. Can you give me a hug instead?”

Pablo gave him a one-sided smirk. Then, they leaned forward to wrap their long, lanky arms around Josh’s torso. In return, Josh took them in his embrace, planting both his hands on Pablo’s back. He found the two long, scar-like bumps on their shoulder blade, and Josh ran his hands up and down over them.

Pablo was an angel. ‘ _Was_ ’ being the operative word. They had given up their entire essence and celestiality just to be with the soul whom they loved. In exchange for a short, mortal life, the heavenly being ripped off their wings to be with their human. Josh could not imagine the pain Pablo must have gone through to be the one to snap off their own celestial identity. It must have been excruciating; after all, he could hear Pablo groaning in the dead of night, muttering curses in a language Josh did not understand.

As Josh ghosted his fingers over the remnants of Pablo’s wings, he nuzzled his head to their temple. The angel in his arms had given up so much for a less-than-average life with Josh in his one-bedroom apartment. Josh had asked them why some time ago, and while he was pleased with the answer, it did not quite take away his guilt.

“I love you,” Pablo told him directly. “When you were born, I had never seen a soul more beautiful than yours. I… wanted to be selfish and keep you to myself. Right then, I knew I could no longer be an angel.”

“Because… you fell in love?”

“Because I learned to want.”

“But… you know that you’ll die like this, right?” Josh explained to them. “You won’t live forever anymore.”

“I am not scared.” Pablo was laying next to Josh on his bed then, and they raised their hand to brush it against Josh’s cheek. “If dying means I shall live the rest of my life with your beautiful soul, I shall.”

“That… seems like a waste.”

“Then, I shall delight myself as much as I can…”

Josh remembered cursing after that. And he remembered leaning over to crush Pablo’s lips with his before taking the rest of their humanity for himself. Josh let himself touch everywhere he could touch, taste everything he was allowed to taste, and hear all the songs only angels could sing. He found Pablo’s scars that night, and Josh kissed all over their back until his lips knew every lump and ridge that rippled across the angel’s body. Later, Pablo had told him later how delighted they were, indeed.

But at what cost? What price would they have to pay down the line? Surely, wings were not enough of a bargain in exchange for such a love as theirs?

Josh had wanted to ask Pablo this everyday. He wanted to make sure they knew what it meant to be human. But each time he was close to asking, Pablo would card their fingers through his hair and make him forget all his questions… even his name.

“How long do humans usually embrace?” Pablo asked, interrupting his melancholic thoughts. They kept their hug tight, but Josh could tell they were getting tired.

“Uh… sometimes, _for days_ ,” Josh answered.

“I do not believe that is true. I can tell you are deceiving me.”

Josh chuckled. Then, he pulled away.

“Yeah, I was lying. I just… can’t believe you’re real.”

“And I, you.” Pablo’s mismatched orbs gazed into Josh’s, full of wisdom and understanding. Like the celestial being they were. “Your thoughts are tumultuous.”

Josh just smiled, unable to answer.

“Do you love me?” they asked.

“Of course.”

“Then, know that hearing you say that is worth everything I had to give up. Even immortality.”

“I don’t have much. I don’t have a lot I can give you.”

“You gave me you, Josh. And… that is truly enough for me.” Pablo just smiled at him. “Hold me?”

Josh chuckled. Then, he wrapped his arms around Pablo tight. He held him tight to tell the watching gods that there was no way they could take Pablo back anymore.

‘ _Do you believe in angels_?’ Josh could remember himself asking. Josh had been asking the question for more than twenty years. No matter whom he talked to, no one could give him a fitting answer. No one could convince him enough to make him believe.

But now, he did. As he held his lover tight inside his arms, with no intention of letting go, Josh believed that angels were real. Their name was Pablo, and they were his.

**Author's Note:**

> if I were to rate this:  
> characterization – 7/10  
> flow/narration – 7/10  
> plot – 8/10  
> angst – 4/10 (not so angsty, I’m kinda proud of myself!)


End file.
